If you see yourself as a good man, or you want to be a good man, this is for you...
It is an invitation...
It is a request.
It is a plea.
To do the work that MUST be done within yourself to truly be a good man.
The world is in turmoil.
The world needs you now more than ever.
But the world needs you to know that which has been hidden from you your whole life.
That to be a good man takes more than morals or values.
It takes more than a good heart or good intentions.
It takes more than wanting to be a good man.
It takes courage.
It takes humility.
It takes being willing to see that which is uncomfortable and unpleasant to digest.
Because the world is not how you believe it to be.
It is not how you have been told it is.
It is not the same for those who are not (cis) men as it is for those who are.
We need you to see the truth.
We need you to be a part of changing it.
We are not blaming you.
This is not your fault.
But it is your responsibility to change it.
Because you have more social power to do so.
We are not here to chastise you.
But we are here to hold you accountable.
Accountable to being better.
To doing better.
To being the men that you and we deserve.
To being the men that this world deserves.
We love you too much to allow you to be less than you are capable of being.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for believing us.
Thank you for showing up.
Thank you for being willing to change.
Thank you for learning what allyship really looks like.
We appreciate you.
We do not want to lead you.
We do want to be lead by you.
We want to partner with you.
We want to co-create with you, together.
We love you.
We believe in you.
We need you.
Not because we can’t do it without you.
We can.
And we will.
But because we shouldn’t have to.
And we want to do this WITH you.
In a way that will build our trust in you again.
In a way where we can all grow stronger from this.
In a way where the bonds between us can deepen further than they ever have before.
In a way where we can build and share a love and connection the likes of which we have never experienced before.
We want to heal our respective wounds side by side.
We want you to be released from the chains that toxic masculinity has bound you in.
We want to be released from the system that make it harder to simply exist if you ware not a (cis) man.
We want to create a world which is more supportive of us all, equally.
Because our current one is killing ALL of us, in very different ways.
So we are here to ask you:
Are you ready?
Do you have the courage to face the truth?
Are you willing to listen?
Are you open to growing, to learning?
Are you ready to work with us?
Do you TRULY have the heart of a good man?
We are here.
We are ready.
Are you?
Our MENifesto
Men's behaviour (and by association, men themselves) is the symptom, not the problem. The problem is the SYSTEM.
Men are not the problem, the systemic discrimination of those who do not identify as male is. Our work is about the SYSTEM of male (especially cis, het, white, able bodied) privilege which is costing us all (in very different ways), and helping men and those who do not identify as men to dismantle where it lives inside them.
Intersectionality is essential
It is ESSENTIAL that this work is approached in ways that are intersectional, anti-captialist and de-colonial (if you are not aware of Kimberlé Crenshaw's work on intersectionality, you can begin to find out more by clicking on the icon above). If it equity is not for everyone, it is not equity, it is another form of systemic discrimination and oppression. We stand for the rights of all people who do not identify as male, including trans women, black, indigenous and women of colour, disabled women and those from all other marginalised groups. Systemic oppression is like a spider's web, if you sever only one strand the web will still remain. It is OK to 'zoom in' on a single strand to better understand how systemic oppression works and the patterns that show up in every strand, but as soon as possible you must 'zoom out' and apply your learnings to the web as a whole in order to be effective. Most of the content on this site is shared from a cis, het, white, middle-class, able (physically and mentally) female perspective. We recognise that the experience of those who sit at the intersection of multiple margins of this system is exponentially more difficult than our own.
Accountability not attacking
We are not here to attack men. We are here to hold them accountable. For being better, for doing better, for learning about their blindspots and for taking responsibility for changing the system that is affecting all of us, because they have more social power to do so. Note there are many moments where direct accountability can seem like attacking due to the system of privilege we are living in, you are continually invited to check your privilege and your fragility.
We want to do this TOGETHER
We want to work with you to create a world and a future which is better for us all. We do not want to lead you. We do not want to be led by you. We are not interested in retribution. We want to work together to create leadership and a social system which honours and respects everyone equally.
Acknowledgement not adoration
You will be acknowledged for progress as you do this work and at the same time it is important to remember that the progress is towards basic human decency, so you will not be celebrated or adored for this.
We approach our work with 'Fierce Love'
We love men too much to allow them to be less than they are capable of being. We love men too much to allow them to continue to be pawns in a system they (mostly) have no awareness of. We believe in you. We know you are human and not perfect. We do not expect perfection from you. We are all allowed to make mistakes. And we also know you can be the men that you, we and the rest of the world deserve. And we love you enough to hold you to never being less than that.
Our purpose is to be a part of creating an equitable society for us all and remove the barriers between men and those who do not identify as men
Most people do not realise the invisible barriers that sit between men and those who do not identify as men. The systems of privilege create barriers in the form of a lack of safety, a lack of trust, a lack of being fully heard and seen, a lack of being treated with TRUE equity and respect...barriers in the form of the multitude of harms experienced, both big (such as rape and domestic violence) and small (such as the myriad of microagressions women and those who do not identify as men experience every single day that cis/het men mostly are neither aware of nor appreciate the impact of). The work of dismantling where these systems live inside us are the gateway to an entirely new experience of connection between us. Through this work we can access a space of TRUE trust, TRUE bond, TRUE connection, TRUE love. Without it we will never experience the depth of bond, connection and love that we all deeply desire.
We do not ignore the problems and challenges that men are facing
We are aware that men these days are also facing a challenging time. They are experiencing increasing issues with mental health, depression and suicide, physical health conditions, losing custody rights, falling behind in education, violent crime, sexual violence, absent fathers and homelessness, to name just a few.
We recognise that these problems also need to be addressed, and that the root of most of these isssues, if not all of them are actually based in the very systems that we are looking to dismantle via this work. Contrary to belief that our work will cause further problems for me, this work will better support men in these areas and many more besides. We will expand on this in our articles.
In addition to acknowledging these problems, we also recognise that many women and people who do not identify as men are also struggling with the same or similar issues, and also have the system of (cis/het) male privilege working against them too. These people are our priority with our work, but the dismantling of these systems will benefit us all. Men Included.
Contact
Get in touch with us here…